Good Morning Jokes

Good morning… Have you done two of the most important things when you wake up today?
– Pray, so that you may live…
– Take a bath so that others may live too!=)

Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”
Doctor: “Nine.”

I always do my exercises regularly in the morning. Immediately after waking I sternly say to myselfˏ “Readyˏ now. Up. Down. Up. Down.” And after two strenuous minutes I tell myselfˏ “Okayˏ now try the other eyelid.

Me and mornings don’t see eye to eye, mostly because… I don’t want to open mine!

Great good morning jokes daily from this page.

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

I was about to get in the shower this morning, when I noticed it was making an odd buzzing noise. There’s no way I was going to get in, knowing the danger of electricity and water, so I took the safest approach.
I went back to bed and let the wife try it first.

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”
Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”
Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”
Patrick, “What school?”

I was out on my first date with a girl from work and she asked “are you more of a cat or dog person”?
‘As long as there’s some tomato sauce I’ll eat anything!’ I replied.

I wanted to grow my own food but I couldn’t get bacon seeds anywhere.

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I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

good morning jokes memes

My boss called me into his office “why do i hear you talking when there is still work to be done” he shouted …. i said “because you have ears”

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Important note from a car manual:
Backing rapidly at a tree significantly reduces your trunk space.

Doctor: You’re obese.
Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion.
Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood

Bishop to the Pope: Congratulations on your name’s day Your Holiness!

Pope: But today we do not commemorate the name of Benedict?

Bishop: It is the 16th, though.
Good Morning !!

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

You can’t have everything; where would you put it?

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Check out : Good Morning Texts | Good Night Texts

Continue to Read for Good Morning Jokes

good morning jokes

If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

good morning jokes

 

Read Also : Inspirational Quotes

I intend to live forever. So far so good.

Who is “General Failure” and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

good morning jokes

Vacation begins when Dad says, “I know a short cut.”

Evolution: True science fiction.

What’s another word for “thesaurus“?

good morning jokes

Birdy birdy in the sky
Dropped a poopy in my eyes,
I do not worry I do not cry
I am just happy that cows don’t fly!

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A Kid On His Way 2 Home With His Mom Saw A Couple Kissing On The Road,
He Suddenly Shouted & Said: Look Mom look, that boy and girl Are Fighting For A Chewing GUM.

good morning jokes

Son: mom, when I was on the bus with my father this morning, he told me 2 give up my seat 2 a lady.
Mother: Well, you have done the right thing son.
Son: But mother, I was sitting on my father’s lap.
Mother: Whaaatttt!!!!!??

good morning jokes

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:
“Waiter! Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup!”

“Please don’t speak so loudly, sir,” said the waiter, “or everyone will want one.”

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