Children Jokes

Jokes For Children-Best Jokes for Kids to Tell

jokes for children

Q:Where does a king keep his armies?

A:In his sleevies!

Hahahahahahahahaha!

 

Q: How does Hitler tie his shoes?

A: In little Nazis!

 

Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphebet?

Something about r?

No, because they can spend years at c

 

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite class in school?

A: Arrrrrt class!

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite country?

A: Arrrrgentina!

Then hit ’em with:

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite element?

A: (they enthusiastically answer) Arrrrrrgon!

Then you say, “No, you idiot. It’s gold.” Though I guess kids might not know about argon.

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Q: How do you catch a squirrel?

A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

 

Q: Why was the lettuce embarrassed when it opened the refrigerator door?

A: It saw the salad dressing.

 

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

A: Look for the fresh prints.

  1. What do yo do if you see a spaceman?

A: Park in it, man.

 

Q: What’s invisible and smells like carrots?

A: Rabbit farts.

 

Q: What did the tie say to the hat?

A: You go on ahead and I’ll hang around!

 

Q: Know how many people are dead in that cemetary?

A: All of them.

 

Pointing vaguely in a cemetery:

Me: That’s the plot where the inventor of crosswords is buried.

Kids: Which one?

Me: Two down three across

 

Q: Why are there usually fences around cemeteries?

A: Because people are just dying to get in.

 

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

A: Where’s my tractor?

 

P1: Ask me if I’m a truck!

P2: Uh, are you a truck?

P1: No.

 

Me: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Friend: what?

Me: “Where’s my tractor?”

Friend: i dont get it

Me: That’s just what he said when he lost his tractor.. Me: “Wheres my tractor”

Friend: well i understand that, I just don’t get how it’s funny, maybe it’s cause it’s written out

Me: It’s not funny Me: It’s just a logical reaction to that sort of situation

Friend: …. Friend: I don’t get it

Me: You’re not supposed to Me: It’s a terrible joke Me: There’s a farmer Me: who lost his tractor

Friend: STOP

Me: so hes wondering where it went

Friend: STOP Friend: STOP

Me: SO HE ASKED WHERE IT WAS Me: HOLY TITS

 

Q: Why did the man go to bed?

A: Because the bed can’t come to him.

 

Q: What is red and wears a cape ?

A: Super Tomato

Q: What is yellow and wears a cape ?

A: A banana pretending to be Super Tomato

 

Q: What do you call an Irishman on a porch?

A: Paddy O’Furniture

 

Q: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

A: About halfway.

jokes for kids that are really funny

Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

A: Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan!

 

Them: Knock knock!

Me: Who’s there?

Them: Bananahead! Kid breaks down into uncontrollable giggles

 

A snail got mugged by a turtle.

Cops: “What happened?”

Snail: “I don’t know, it all happened so fast!”A snail got mugged by a turtle.

Cops: “What happened?”

Snail: “I don’t know, it all happened so fast!”

 

Q: Why don’t monsters eat clowns?

A: Because they taste funny.

 

Q;What’s red and smells like blue paint?

A:RED PAINT!

 

Q: What is green and has wheels?

A: Grass, I lied about the wheels.

 

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,

“Jesus is watching you.” Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. “Did you say that?”, he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird.

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a birdMoses?”

“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus.”

 

  1. What kind of bees give milk.
  2. Boobies!

 

Q: What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

  1. Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

Check Also : Silly Jokes about Men

 

Where did Tigger find Pooh?

In the toilet

Nephew almost pees himself every time he tells it… So do I.

 

 

Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor… I am Pagliacci.” Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Some More Children Jokes you can say to them even at school

2 goats find a film reel in a dump. They unwind the film and eat it all. After they are finished, one says, “The movie was good, but I liked the book better.”

 

Q: What did the doctor say to the man with broccoli hanging out his nose and lettuce hanging out his ear?

A: Sir I don’t think you’re eating properly

 

What’s small, purple, and dangerous?

A grape with a machine gun.

 

A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but cling wrap. The doctor says: “Well, I can clearly see your nuts”

 

Why was the baby strawberry so worried? Because her mom was in a jam.

 

What do you call a million rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line!

 

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese (you can also preface this one with “want to hear a cheesy joke?”) What’s a witch’s favourite subject in school? Spelling

 

Q: What happened to the chef that walked into the screen door?

A: He strained himself.

 

Q: What did the duck say to the chicken as he was about to cross the road?

A: Don’t do it mate, you’re never going to hear the end of it.

to which my daughter correctly replied – true

Q: Why did the computer cross the road?

A: Because it was programmed by a chicken.

 

A: Knock, knock.

B: Who’s there?

A: With.

B: With who?

A: With whom.

 

After laughing at this thread, my three-year-old asked why I keep laughing. I told her that someone said a funny joke. She said: Was it me? To which I said, No, it wasn’t you. You didn’t tell me a funny joke, but do you know a funny joke? And she said Yes:

Um… There’s a volcano flying in the air.

really funniest children jokes

Q: What happens if you put sugar a bowl and sugar in another bowl together and clap them together.

A: Thunderware will come.

 

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer!

 

only works when said out loud: What do you call a fish with 10 eyes? A fiiiiiiiiiish.

 

Whats blue and white and cant climb trees?

a refrigerator wearing overalls

 

A duck walks into a drugstore, picks up some Chapstick & takes it to the cashier. “Will that be cash or charge?” she asks. “Nah,” the duck replies, “just put it on my bill.”

 

Why is there no gambling in Africa?

There are too many cheetahs.

 

What do you get when you cross a brown chicken and a brown cow? Brown-chicken-brown-cow!

 

 

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?

Hell if I know.

 

A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a beer…

The bartender gives him the beer and says “Did you know there is a drink named after you?”

The grasshopper says “I had no idea there was a drink named DAVID! ಠ_ಠ ”

 

What do you need when you hurt a lemon? A lemon-aid!

 

Q:What do you call a deer without eyes?

A:No eye deer.

 

Q:What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

A:Still no eye deer.

Q:What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no ears?

A:Anything you like, he can’t hear you.

 

Q: What do you call a nosey pepper?

A: Jalapeño business.

1: Knock, knock.

2: Who’s there?

1: To.

2: To who?

1: To whom.

 

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

 

Q: What is the white stuff in bird poop?

A: That is bird poop, too.

 

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? A: Nacho cheese!

 

Whats Bruce Lees favorite drink?

WAAAATAAAAA!!

 

-Did you hear about that new pirate jewelry shop? They have a special on ear piercings! They only cost a BUCCANEAR! -How do you make a kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it. -What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. may more but I’m too lazy to write them all…

And Elephant jokes courtesy of my dad: -What is the difference between an elephant and a plum? The color. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants. What did Tarzan say? Here come the plums… he was colorblind. -How do you capture an elephant? Hide in the grass and make a noise like a peanut. -Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

 

Q: What did the alien say to the gardener?

A: Take me to your weeder.

 

  1. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?
  2. Wipe it off and say you’re sorry!

 

What’s green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A pool table.

 

Why shouldn’t you play poker with cats in Africa? Because they’re CHEETAHS.

And if they say they’re not, they’re A-LION!

dohohoho.

 

So, a family walks into a talent agency. It’s a mother, father, daughter, son, and a little baby.

I forget the rest of the joke, but your mother is a whore.

 

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He was feeling crumby.

 

Two flies are sitting on a piece of poo, one fly cuts a fart and the other fly says “Hey! I’m eatin’ here!”

 

I like the one about the Dyslexic who walks into a bra………

 

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Do you think he saw us

What do you call his dog?

Do you think he saw us Rex

 

After work every day a Psychiatrist would stop and have a drink, before heading home. Joe the bartender knew when and what would be ordered, an almond daiquiri. Joe would prepare the drink in advance. Mix the rum, crush the ice, split the almond and rub it on the rim. On day Joe began to prepare and found he was out of almonds. He asks one of the regulars to go to the deli. and get him a bag. The patron goes to the store to find, they’re out of almonds. The storekeeper offers him walnuts, peanuts, hickory nuts, and pistachios. The patron takes the hickory nuts. He returns to Joe informs him of the lack of almonds and gives him the hickory nuts. The Doctor walks in and sits down just as Joe sets his drink on a coaster. The Doctor takes a drink and says, “Joe is this this an almond daiquiri?” and Joe responds, ” No, it’s a hickory daiquiri Doc.”

 

My favorite, Q: Why was the stoplight embarrassed? A: Because people were watching it change. :3

 

What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies.

 

Okay, I have a great knock-knock joke. You start.

 

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Banana

Banana who?

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Banana

BANANA WHO?!?!?

Knock knock

WHO. IS. THERE?

Orange

OH… orange who?

Orange you glad I didn’t say ‘banana?’

 

Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?

A: Because 7 8 9!

 

why are all the letters in the Greek alphabet afraid of zeta?

Because zeta eta theta!