Jokes about Diabetes

General Jokes: 

I’ve been living with diabetes for six months now, and I got to tell you, I’m not easy to live with (Jonathan Katz, thanks for this funny structure–this joke can be adapted to deal with any ailment with similar effect–I’ve been living with nail fungus for six months now… etc).

Diabetes is basically a disease that causes you to die if you don’t eat enough beats.

If “Diabetes” was “Dieabeatnik” I’d have a much livelier time dying.

Of course, you could also “Dyeabeatnik,” assuming you could get one into your washing machine.

I can’t eat milkshakes anymore. Not that I was eating too many of them before–You remember that line from Pulp Fiction about the “Five dollar milkshake?” I think of that line every time I buy a milkshake because they are all five dollars. So it’s more like, “Yeah, give me your five-dollar milkshake,” and the server is like, “which one?” That was a courtesy to the fast-food workers, btw, because my milkshakes come from drive-thrus.

What’s the difference between a child and an adult diabetic? The child will stop eating candy when they get a stomach ache.

Why did the diabetic cross the road?

Well, it wasn’t to go to a fruit stand!

After receiving a gift or compliment: 

“Damn that’s so sweet. I’d better check my blood sugar.”